Do You Hear What I Hear

“Hey, Bob, I bet your fans will buy anything. I bet you could release a godawful album that no sane person could listen to with a straight face, and people would still buy it. I bet you cannot come up with an album so bad and so ridiculous that people wouldn’t buy it.”

If someone made that bet, he or she won, but not for lack of trying on Dylan’s part.

I mean, come on. Dylan singing hoary old Christmas chestnuts? Songs you’re sick of hearing by people who sang them well? The album opens up with Dylan croaking away on “Here Comes Santa Claus.” Joined by a choir on the second verse. That’s as far as I made it through that song. Track two: “Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy / Do you hear what I hear?” Said the CD player, “If you don’t hit skip now, I’m going to!”

I couldn’t listen all the way through a single song. Best of all, this allegedly wholesome Christmas album has a Betti Page pinup on the inside cover. All the proceeds go to fighting hunger, but you’re better off buying some groceries and donating them to the local food pantry. You’ll end up wasting food if you listen to it right after eating.

Dylan has released some awful albums but never one that I couldn’t listen to even once. At least we no longer have to have long arguments about which is Dylan’s worst album.

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11 Responses to Do You Hear What I Hear

  1. At least we no longer have to have long arguments about which is Dylan’s worst album.

    Finally, Knocked Out Loaded exonerated.

    • ken says:

      Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl! Brownsville Girl!

  2. bobhowe says:

    I have on my desk William Shatner’s The Transformed Man, on loan from my colleague Syd. Though (sadly) I know some people who might put The Transformed Man on the CD player (a la Barry White) before getting busy, it wasn’t made with that intention. No. It was made so that people could cue up Shatner’s version of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, and say “Oh. My. God.” over and over and over again.

    Likewise Dylan’s “Little Drummer Boy.” It’s kind of obtuse to pretend otherwise.

    Finally, there is nothing that cannot be improved (if not wholly redeemed) by putting a picture of Bettie Page on it, save perhaps Grover Norquist’s flabby ass.

    • See, I would say that’s the case of BOWIE’S “Little Drummer Boy”, not necessarily Dylan’s.

      • bobhowe says:

        Ha. It turns out this is why there is more than one musician in the world: one man’s meat…

      • ken says:

        Actually, it’s not really Bowie’s “Little Drummer Boy.” Bing sings that one; Bowie sings “Peace On Earth,” which is actually quite a good song, in a medley/counterpoint with him. I can’t stand “Drummer Boy” as a song but Bing was such a good singer that I don’t hate it, and the combination of his and Bowie’s voices was quite something.

    • ken says:

      The album was most certainly made with that intention, and Shatner defends it to this day. Likewise, while I joke about Dylan doing the album to win that bet, I suspect he meant it to be taken seriously. But who can tell with Dylan; Shatner is at least more comprehensible.

  3. rubytramp says:

    Did you see the video with Zimmy dancing the Hora and wear an infamous wig? Come on, its amusing, and its sold enough to actually have fed many people.
    Stop being a hater and join the Zimmy holiday spirit! 😉

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